An Epic Poem That Is Not Funny And Super Long

Tricia sat up in the hospital bed

After presuming she was good for dead

Despite all the tubes that lassoed around

She looked to the walls; she looked to the ground

Her hands trembled; her whole body ached.

What had happened? Where was she? Did she capture a break?

“I see you are up.” The kind Doctor appeared

Trish gasped as she looked at the bloke with a beard

“Calm down. You’re safe. In fact keep on crashing.

From the looks of your charts you took quite a bashing.”

Tricia grabbed hold of her pillow and gasped in great fear

Her eyes wisped around as she fought back a tear

“What happened?” she quivered, though she wanted to shout

“I don’t know the ending. I had all but blacked out.”

The doc smiled, and approached her where she could see

“I’m afraid the last one who’d know is old me.”

There was silence, with the occasional beep

Til finally the doc spoke, “You should get some sleep.”

Trish nodded though her heart was a quiver

She stared at the doc, who looked so familiar

The doc quickly stood in a sudden rush

“The best thing to do now is to hush.

It’s none of my business but since you’re in my care

A police officer is standing right there.”

Together they glanced at the open door

There was no one, “but I saw him before.

Perhaps he stepped out for a moment to think

Or maybe the nurse guided him to a drink.

Either way now you know, and I now must get

Buzz if you need me, you aren’t quite healed yet.”

He left the room as Tricia self examined.

Hoping her body would explain what had happened.

She placed her hand on her head and winced at the pain

That was the final strike, it was with his cane

Now onto her face, where she traced some dry blood

Now down to her finger, where there was once mud

Her chest and her stomach were all okay

But her legs were most battered, no walking today

They were swollen, purple brown and black

That’s where the asshole began his attack

He paused once just to strike her with a set of keys

Then went right on back to hitting her knees

“My dear, you’re awake” gasped Nurse McCruz

“Can I get you some water? Do you need some tissues?”

“I’m fine,” whispered Tricia, though her mind was a blur

“But please tell me Nurse. Where is my sister?”

“Jane’s fine, though she’s out, she should come to soon.

My dear stop you’re crying, Jane’s in the next room.”

“And my brother.” cried Trish, thankful it was true.

“Tell me he’s alive and well too.”

Nurse McCruz grew quiet, on the bed’s edge she sat

“I’m so sorry my dear, I can’t tell you that.

When I got on shift it was just Jane you and Joe

I had no idea of a brother in tow.”

“But Joe’s okay then,” Trish nodded in strife.

“If it wasn’t for Joe, well, Joe saved my life.

But my brother’s not here? His name’s Christopher Queen?”

“From our knowledge he fled from the scene.”

Tricia and the nurse looked toward the door

To find Officer Kennedy shuffle feet on the floor.

“Hello Trish.” “Kennedy.” “Oh nurse do you mind?

I have some questions to ask and limited time.”

The nurse patted the patient’s arm so gently

She pitied the child and who she might be

She stood up, bowed her head and scurried around

Hoping this patient wouldn’t skip town

As Kennedy approached, McCruz eyes shot up

It was like watching a bull dog approach a young pup

Swiftly she left, and stoutly he stood

Tricia knew that this talk wouldn’t be good.

He’d start with a yell, and keep on with a scream

He didn’t know that she was on his team

Trish didn’t blame him, her record was a saga

Probably looked like it was ripped from a crime drama


“Nothing” she whispered “only his name.”

“BULLSHIT!” Officer screeched, “I KNOW you are lying.

Is it worth it to keep quiet? Is it worth almost dying?”

To that remark Tricia’s eyes flashed with anger

“You don’t the first thing about it, stranger”

As he ranted on, Tricia’s mind went to last night

How it all started, what began the fight

They were all at dinner, just Chris, Joe, and her.

They had gone out to celebrate the success of their sister

“What a grand show, did you see Jane in it?

Where could she be? She’ll be here any minute.”

But Jane didn’t arrive, they waited an hour

Maybe she was bombarded, she had such star power.

But Trish knew that that wasn’t quite it

As she peered at the chair where Jane should have sit

“I’m worried,” said Joe. Trish nodded “Me too.”

The both glanced at Chris, “Well, what should we do?”

Back to the hospital, where Kennedy was spitting


“I don’t know” whispered Trish, her legs were now throbbing

She squeezed for more morphine as his head kept bobbing.

“It’s not worth it, my dear. He’s not worth a piss.

You shouldn’t protect him or Chris like this.”

“Look,” spoke Trish finally, with conviction inside

“I know exactly where my brother would hide.

But I think you should know it would do you no good

My brother’s not bad he’s misunderstood”

“Well looky here now,” sauntered Kennedy

“Do you know how little your thoughts means to me?”

“I’m sorry,” spoke Trish, “Then I’ll just shut my trap”

And Trish leaned back down to begin a nap

“Har har” said the Po, strutting through his course

“You’ll talk soon young lady, if it means by force.”

“How are things?” poked the nurse, “just checking in.”

“How are your bruises? And the scabs on your skin.”
But Tricia’s mind was far far away.

Her eyes closed tight, onto the previous day.

The three walked from the fancy restaurant The Sage

Traipsed into the theater, and barged in backstage,

There sat Jane all tied up in the corner.

“Well well,” said Bobby, “Let’s bring this to order.”

Immediately Chris swung with his fist

“You untie my Jane, don’t treat her like this!”

Bobby smirked and swung back, but this time at Joseph

“Chris you shouldn’t have brought your friends to all this stuff.”

As the boys started hitting, two men to one

Tricia ran up to Jane, then she saw the gun.

“CHRIS!” she shouted, “he’s armed be aware.”

Joe glanced back to Tricia and caught her stare.

“Ah baby, you surprised? Of course I was armed.”

Bobby winked at Trisha and pulled out his charm

A  duck’s foot pistol, his favorite of three

“You bastard!” hollered Chris. “Just leave us be.”

“Ah but Chris, it don’t work that way.

When you got out of this game, you forgot I had a say.”

“WAKE UP” snapped Kennedy, the nurse standing intact

“This bitch may not leave, but I need some facts

And you’re all I got in my possession

As long as you’re here, I need your confession.”

Tricia took one look and shook her head no.

She closed eyes again and said, “nice try though.”

What was important now was last night and his temper

Trish thought, God please let me try to remember

Back to the dressing room, Trish untied the knots

Listening intently to Bobby hot shot

He ranted on about his maximum power

And the money Chris owed him this particular hour

Chris spit in his eyes, he owed him nothing

Bobby pointed his gun, made Chris kiss his ring

“Technically not but money I’ll take.

Unless you want to see your sisters not wake.

Chris your tried to leave me once or twice

And this final time wasn’t very nice.”

“But you let me,” teared Chris, “ you gave me your blessing.

What changed your mind? Tell me what am I missing?”

Bobby glanced real smug and eyed the two girls

“Go ask your sister, just give it a whirl.”

Chris’ mouth dropped open, his face darted round

But before he could ask, Bobby was pounced to the ground.

Joe came from behind and pinned him to the tile

Bob was silent, then struggled, until the three made a pile.

“Alright” said Bobby, clearly in pain.

“Alright what?” slunk Chris, “Tell me Mr. Derrain.”

“I’m sorry kid that I tied up your sis.

This was between me and you, not that little miss.”
“AND.” Panted Chris, now Joe seemed alarmed

“And,” said squished Bob, “you can go now unharmed.”

Chris nodded, and wiped the sweat off his brow

He had the gun, they were safe now.

“I don’t owe you nothing. We’re out of this game.

Been out for awhile, let me go back to the same.”

“Let’s just go” quipped in Trish, she had seen this before.

She recalled the times the men banged at her door

Demanded money and drugs from her very own stash

That was until Jane developed a rash

And as orphans the family decided to stop

Let Jane be an actress, don’t let her glow pop

She was too young for this, let her do her plays

She only has a few more hay days.

Jane’s sickness had spread, so to auditions they went

Pretty soon all their drugs and money were spent

They stopped with the organized crime scene

Tricia went to school, Chris got himself clean

Rehab’s where he met Joe, a wonderful fella

He himself just got out of the cellar.

A rag tag group they were, just doing their best

Now Chris had the option of putting Bobby to rest

All it took was one look at Jane the budding star.

He looked at Tricia “take her out and go far.

Bobby I ain’t gonna hurt you, you’re beef’s not with me

Just let me and my family get out and go free

Bobby’s face was pinned tight, his lips barely moved

But after some time he said “promise dude.”

The three ran, Jane, Tricia, and Joe

Chris started to follow but he was too slow.

“Tricia, can you hear me? It is Nurse McCruz.

Honey just answer his questions, what can you lose?”

Tricia opened again, tried not to be curt

She sneered at the woman, “my leg’s really hurt.

Can I have some more drugs for my knees?

Maybe it will put my mind at ease.

And then we can complete this bullshit session

And I will finally answer his questions.”

The nurse nodded and scampered out yet again

“Now Officer, cool off, please count to ten.

If I recall it’s you who is out of harms way

Where I got the shit beat out of me yesterday.

You want some of my help? Then I’ve reached my peak

Stop your yelling, shut your hole and turn the other cheek.

I’ll give you the Bobby Dertain scoop

But once this is over, I am out of the loop

Don’t bother Jane, or call up on my phone

Just leave all of us, my family, alone

Officer Kennedy smirked and clicked his heel

“Well, cutie, you got yourself a deal.”
And with that he plopped down onto her bed

Tricia squirmed but convinced it was all in her head

“Start from the top do you know where he’s at?

Is he in with your brother? Can you tell me that?”

“First off Chris isn’t in this no more

He’s no longer Bob Dertain’s whore.”
“Ok, I gotcha, you made yourself clear.

But if that was true how did you end up here?”

“Bite me, “ she spit “it’s a hard life to drop.

It’s not like we’re protected by the damn cops.

If they want us, they’ll get us and that’s just how it is.

Don’t matter if we’re selling drugs, or watching The Wiz.”

Trish stopped and was reminded of Jane once more

Her eyes glanced round to the door

Last night had been her opening night

Poor dear, that young thing must’ve been in such a fright

Trish remember as she had untied Jane’s shin

Her hand brushed a puddle of urine

It wasn’t right for Jane, it just wasn’t fair

She should not have been brought up in that care

Oh god, what did he do to get her to sit?

Did he push her down? Did she take a hit?

“Bobby Dertain is a bad all around

He has power everywhere, he runs the whole town.”

“This shit I know kid, I wasn’t born yesterday.

I want to know where he hangs, where does he play?”

Trish sighed “We need some protection if I tell you this

Put us in hiding, set us up on a list.”

“Done and done, hen” said Kennedy. “Now get the point.”
“He hangs out a lot at that old Rigby joint.

There’s a back room where they stock all their guns

As for where he play? Hah. Like Bobby has fun.”

“Is that all you got?” “Well that will have to do.

I’m sorry if that is not enough for you.”

“Don’t you dare pull the wool over my eyes.

I got people inside I got little spies

I thought it would help if I could get you clucking

After all you were the girl he was fucking.”

“Excuse me?” “You heard me.” “No say it again.”

Kennedy was smug “tell me which way did you bend?”

With one fair swoop Tricia cracked one on his chin.

“Don’t you ever speak like that again.”

“Fair enough,” said Kennedy he took that hit strong

“Perhaps I had just got my facts wrong.

Or perhaps it is your memory that’s waned.

And you are a sister terribly ashamed.”

“Fine, I fucked him once or twice in the past.

It was just a fling, it never did last.”

“Ah but love is a fishy thing ain’t it the truth

Even if it did give you that bruise.”

Trish’s mind flashed quick to what happened before

Just as Joe, Jane, and her ran through that door.

They were trapped, though they had just made the street

It would take a half hour before admitting defeat.
One jumped on Joe first, then Jane was dragged away

Then Tricia was shoved with a growl “you will pay.”
Slam once. Slam! Slam! Then a cane to the calf

“Are you present?” Kennedy poked. “So far I got half

of the questions I need before I leave you be

All I ask is that you cooperate with me.”

Trish nodded as her whole eyes glossed

She will tell the truth no matter the cost

“He was once my lover. That is to be true.

He bribed, I didn’t know what else to do.

It was either fuck me or shoot out or my brains.

Or worse he would go after our little Jane.

As for Chris, I kept it hidden from him

Knowing he would not take it with a grin

I did it to live, be that wasn’t good enough

I learned that last night, when things got too rough

I blame myself, it at started last week

I told him our love had reached it’s peak

I was tired of faking and tired of pretending

The phony dates and his ridiculous spending

I walked out finally and said we were done

I had done my time, and thought he’d let me run

For a few days I thought it actually worked

He never made contact never gave me the jerk

But instead he was planning, his anger consumed.”
She looked to the Po “from the start we were doomed.”

Kennedy took some notes, and tried hard to pin it

But he didn’t believe this bitch for a minute.

Tricia sensed that her words did her no good

But she continued on, explained her quest to be good

Explaining how they had planned to move and the city they chose

They just had to wait for the The Wiz close

“I know you don’t believe me you dick,

But the reason is because my sister’s quite sick.”

“I don’t care your damn reasons of breaking free!

What good will that story do for me?

All I need to know is where he might hide

You’ve been his girl, you know the inside.

So quit your sob story, quit looking so grim.

I need Bobby, now tell me where I can find him!”

Slam slam! To last night, her face soaked with blood

As she lifted her hands all covered in mud.

And with her bandit not looking she clawed her way near

Grabbed a close rock, threw it at his rear.

The man turned excited his face full of glee

That’s when Trish realized it had been Bobby

“You promised” she said. “You’d leave us alone!”

Bobby spit in her face and pointed, “go home.

Your bro owes me money. The end it must be

And if it makes you happy, we’re through you and me.”

Trish looked around, Joe and Jane were gone

Bobby turned to his henchman “Benny get my gun.

He walked in the direction of the backstage exit

But Trish knew her decision, she knew this was it.

She sprinted toward Benny and elbowed nose

Lifted open his jacket before he arose

Hands round the pistol and aimed straight ahead.

“You won’t find Bob D, Officer. Cuz he’s dead.”

Kennedy flipped close his notepad.

For a liar, this chick wasn’t half bad,

“Ok fine, don’t play nice, though you had my words

I’m leaving your ‘family’ for the birds”

“But my brother, please, is he alright?

I don’t remember the end of last night.”
As Kennedy walked away Tricia sat crying

“You have to believe me. I’m really not lying.”

“If Bobby Dertrain is gone like you say

Where in the hell does his body lay?”

Back in the night, the gun smoking, Bobby on the ground

Benny awakes from the loud gun sound

He sits right up and sees his boss still

He pounces on Tricia drags both bods up a hill

“You have any last words you dumb bitch”
He hangs Trish and Bobby over a ditch

Twenty feet down with water coming ahead

If dropped Trish would surely be dead.

“Well do you, my dear, please what could it be?”

Tricia gasped once more, spoke “my family.”

“Har har, real sweet. From the heart ma’am.”

Trish held her breath. Then heard a wham!

She fell to her knees and almost slipped in the waif

But through the pain she crawled up someplace safe

She watched Bobby fall his through the stream down below

She looked up around her and saw standing there Joe

“Is it true?” Joe asked covered in Ben’s blood and puss

“Your affair with Bobby. Was that for us?”

Trisha nodded and sobbed “it didn’t work did it?”
“God dammit Trisha. You are such an idiot.”

And out of sheer anger for what she didn’t know

Joe disposed of Benny and then gave her a huge blow

The next thing Trish remembered in her throbbing head

And waking up in a clean hospital bed.

“I’m leaving” said the Po “you’re a worthless cause.”

And he turned and walked out without any pause.

Tricia went back to rest, helpless as all hell

At least Bobby was dead, maybe that broke the spell

And Jane was ok, that could be some relief

And she was sure Chris had escaped like a thief

It could be over at least for the time being

More morphine in her system, perhaps it felt freeing

The doctor walked in now that she was finally alone

“Give it a day. Then you can go home.”

Tricia smirked and asked “my home? What’s that?

I’m sure by now our place is ran sacked.

Is there anyplace doc, a safe place I can stay?”
“Well here,” said the doc, “but only one day.”

Tricia couldn’t help but feel weird

What was wrong with the doc? Was it his beard?

The doctor smiled a look so familiar

“No, you must leave in two days, or else I will kill yeah.”

Tricia sat up straight and was wide awake.

This doc the whole time had been a fake.

“Where’s my real doc! Nurse! Where’s nurse McCruz?

The man hushed “ keep it low or we both will lose.

You shouldn’t have told the Po all that you know.”
Tricia squinted and gasped… “Joe?”

“Yeah its me, and keep your mouth quiet.

Don’t want to insinuate a riot.

Did you think keeping us safe was just you only?

I was Bob’s gopher while you two were boning.

Now I’ve been asked to dispose of your pain

As a doctor get rid of you and dear Jane.”

NO! screamed Trish, and Joe gripped her leg tight

“You scream once more, this will hurt more tonight.”

“So tell me,” chirped Trish, “whose side are you on?

Now that good old Bobby Dertaine is gone?”

“It’s unfortunate” said Joe “that you had to shoot,

Because now they want to pin you to loot

And put Jane’s acting career to shame.

No matter what Trish, you’re stuck in this game.”

“But you Joe!” yelled Trish “what about you?

You with us or them? What will you do?”

“You left me no choice, you became a snitch

If they believe you, they find me” he said with a twitch

“And I cannot make it out on my own.

You gave me no choice but to take Bobby’s thrown.”

Trish shook her head no as Joe looked up above

He said, “it was always you that I loved

It pained me to hear how he treated you so

That’s why I decided to let you both go

Get a days rest and start out ahead

If you stay longer than that, you’ll both wind up dead.

He let go of her leg, “you must leave at dawn

“ did what I could but your brother is gone.”

“You traitor.” She sobbed “Chris was a good man.”
“I promised you I did all I can.

I’m sorry I’m not all I cracked up to be

I did my best to protect the family.”

Tricia clenched her teeth, and spoke “not enough”

And finally with one last huff.

She didn’t believe him, she saw in his eyes

She saw through old Joseph, right through his disguise

It was Joe who set up the attack at The Wiz,

It seems in prison he couldn’t shake the biz

Trish looked around, it was all part of his plan

Nurse McCruz, him, and the Officer Man

Give Joe a reason to kill off Bob’s killer

Since she leaked to the Po, Joe could be Bob’s new filler

If Trish stayed any longer, her life was done for

So she waited until her “doctor” looked toward the floor

“One thing you should know,” she lied, “I love you”

Joe, caught off guard, he winced, smiled, “you do?”

Trish broke from her i.v. went right up to choke

But she squeezed so tight that Joe’s neck almost broke.

Gasping for breath, she tossed him aside

“your life for mine, now let me run and hide.”

She jumped from the bed, her legs throbbing in pain.

No time for this Trish went and grabbed Jane.

Out through the hospital the two fled

Passed every room, passed every bed

There they both were, a chick and mother hen

What was left of the family ran,  never seen again.

– One L

“In college I wrote an essay called ‘Poems are bullshit.’ I wish I made it rhyme.”


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