Things that should be a thing – Volume 1

Things that should be a Thing – Volume 1

There are many things I do that should be a thing all around. Maybe if I post them here, the idea will spread and finally my things will become a thing. Here is just a small sample. Read, do, enjoy!

Voicemailing –

I’m not sure how it began or when it began, but for years me and my best friend Jen have been leaving each other incredibly long voice mails in order to keep in touch while we live long distance. Even though it’s been months since Jen and I have spoken directly, I feel like she and are incredibly close because of the voicemailing process. Here’s how it works.

  1. You call at your convenience, even if the person you are calling is busy (actually it is preferred that they are).
  2. You wait for the beep and start talking. Act like it is a conversation with a silent partner. Tell a story of the day, give life updates, tell your thoughts on the other person’s problems and stories. It is not leaving a message, itis leaving a voicemail. Think of it like a verbal letter to a friend.
  3. If you go past the time allotted (which Jen and I have calculated is around five to six minutes) simply call back and leave more until the story or update is complete.
  4. If you are receiving the mail, simply set aside some time to listen to the story. Listen to it while driving or exercising, think of it as a book on tape and then respond accordingly.
  5. DON’T GET FRUSTERATED WITH THE VOICE MAIL. This is a new thing and perhaps if voicemailing gets popular cell phone companies will fix the hiccups of “if you are satisfied with your message” interruptions.

Pro’s of voicemailing:

– It’s on your own time! So even if you and your long distance counterpart are on opposite schedules, you can still be in touch and enjoy each other’s company. It’s like pausing a movie, only it’s your buddy, for a time that you can enjoy them.

– It’s easier than writing, and more entertaining! Sometimes it’s fun just to put things in your own words. There are times when I’ve laughed out loud due to Jen’s outbursts in the midst of her work story and I know that is something that would not come across in an email. “I wish we could all just remove our uterus and put it on ice until we are ready to use it.”

– You work out your own shit! I can’t tell you how many times I was voicemailing Jen, venting about a frustration, and how in the midst of the story I realized the solution. It was almost like she was there giving me guidance by just letting me talk, which is what friends are best at, am-I-right?

– It’s active! Even if you are listening, you can’t help but feel like you are there. There have been many times I was driving and found myself saying out loud, “Don’t do it Jen. Don’t get the free eyebrow wax. Oh you did, didn’t you? Nope. Yeah. Bad call. I could’ve told you that.”

– It’s safer than texting! – If you are looking to pass the time on the road, grab some headphones, set up voice command and hands free stuff, dial with your voice, leave message, repeat, all without looking down and potentially dying.

– It teaches you that closeness is relative. Jen know things about me and my daily life as much if not more than people who I see on a daily basis. She is a big part of my life and I am grateful for voicemailing.


– That fucking recording sometimes cuts you off and asks you to fucking re-record.

Longest voicemailing to date (and Jen may need to correct me): 9 voicemails in a row.

Tips: If you want to actually speak to your friend rather than leave a voicemail, text a few minutes before with the phrase “pick up.”

Naming Your Flop –

The other night I was playing poker with five guys and I noticed how quiet and serious the game was. I know, there’s money involved gents, but we aren’t those people on t.v. with the sunglasses, we’re broke folks playing a $5 game of Texas Hold ‘Em. When guys play the competitive game of fantasy leagues, they usually have a little fun with their team names (ones I’ve heard: Teabag Tebow, The Black Panthers, Longmonster). I say we should bring that spice to the poker table. While we were playing I noticed that the word FLOP is such a droopy word for one of the most exciting parts of the game. I suggested instead that we called it the Spaghetti, and that every time the deal brings it out we all holler, “Spaghetti!” I managed to get five men on board and it was a hit. It made the game a little more loose and the more drinks we had the sillier the spaghetti became. At the Myer’s household now, anytime we play Texas Hold ‘Em the Flop is now called the Spaghetti. I’m not saying we officially change the Flop to the Spaghetti, I just think that both words are relatively arbitrary considering what is actually happening is the dealer is throwing down four cards. So, really, a flop can be called anything. And it should. Here’s how it works.

  1. If you host a poker night, you have a house flop name. It can be an inside joke, a play on words, or just something fun to say.
  2. After the flop is dealt, everyone at the table needs to shout the house flop name.
  3. You can add on as you please. Maybe if someone forgets to shout the flop name they have to those a chip in the pile, or you switch the flop with each dealer, because as you know everyone has their own personal flop.
  4. And yes, your house flop can just be called “the flop” you fucking hipster.
  5. Keep the name The River, because it’s cool.

Pro’s of naming the flop

– It makes the game personal. When it’s your flop you feel more involved in the game and maybe for newbies it makes them feel more comfortable with betting and enjoying the game rather than stressing on winning.

– It’s just super fun.


– A rule Nazi could get carried away. You know the guy, the one who calls out every mistake during Kings Cup and fowl during Beer Pong. Name your flop wisely.

Tips: Try to make your flop the best of your group of friends, but remember when it’s yours, keep it forever. Don’t be a flip flopper on your flops.

That’s all for now! Wait for Volume 2!

– One L

“I can never spell seperate or definitely on the first try. Oh wait, I got one right!”


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