My Pitch to Howard Gordan and Alex Ganza, the Creators of Homeland

Dear Mr. Gordon and Gansa –

Hi Guys! While Mr. Sorkin is mulling over my pitch to him to be on The Newsroom, I thought I would touch base with you on a collaboration I am interested in doing revolving around your show Homeland.

You see, I think I should be on your show.

Homeland is amaze-balls. I love how Claire Danes’ face gets all stretchy and gnarly when she is rainbowing terrorist plots. I love how Brody, a ginger terrorist, is wildly attractive. And, to quote the fair Danes herself, “Mandy Patinkin… holla.”

I think the show, however, is missing something. I think Claire needs someone to really truly confide in. While it is interesting that she has no real friends (and thus furthers her strong connection to Brody, oh and I am NOT including that bald surveillance guy to be her “friend”, that’s a stretch…) if she just had one person to share her deep thoughts with, then it will just give the audience more into the crazy mind of Carrie.

I also think there is a therapy element that is missing for the show, both for MDD Carrie and former POW Brody. I’m sorry, I just have a massively hard time believing that government officials would want a POW to become the new poster child of a political party AND become a potential vice presidential nominee WITHOUT requiring, like, weekly counseling sessions. He was a POW for 8 YEARS YO! Cover your bases government. Make him lay in a chair and share his feelings! Jesus. We all know he’s hiding shit, so it would be fun to show how well he can, or can’t, hide his shit in therapy. P.S.I loved how his (alien-from-V and former Firefly) wife FINALLY put her foot down, like, five episodes in, saying he needs to get help. No offense, wifey, but that should have been task number 1 with his return to the normal world, not sex, which apparently was your #1 task. He’s been tortured! You think sex really was going to be good? Yep, it wasn’t, was it?

I digress. It is clear that both characters need help AND it is clear the crux of the show is the cat and mousiness of Carrie and Brody. SO they need extensive counseling AND they need person connector (like the chick in The Departed who got lucky enough to bone both Matt Damon and Leo Di.)

Enter: ME.

My character would be named Genevieve McCarthy. She is a counselor appointed by the federal government to oversee and help folks working within the government, and her sessions are top secret so it’s not to tamper with high profile people’s rep. She is a counselor, not a doctor or a therapist, because the gov does not want her to be able to prescribe meds. Also, she looks young which assists in protecting her identity. To the outside world she is merely an intern with the CIA. BOOM! Right?

Anyway, I/Genevieve is assigned to help Carrie because let’s assume they are going to bring Carrie back into the CIA game despite being fired last season. Why? Well, cuz that’s the show. And Mr. Gordan and Mr. Gansa, I sure you’ve figured out the loophole to get her back to being a CIA spif in no time. ALSO, Brody will probably have a mishap in front of his running mate and will probably be ordered to seek McCarthy’s services as well as a precaution. (And yes, there will be McCarthy jokes and witch hunt homage with this character. Totes.)

 Example intro scene.

Carrie is forced to meet with me and is, like super pissed about it when she sees how young I am.

ME/Genevieve: Hello Carrie.

Carrie: What the fuck?

G: Nice to meet you too. Why don’t you have a seat?

C: This is a joke right? You? This?

G: I can make jokes but I am not a joke. Have a seat.

C: I don’t. Want. To. Be. Here.

G: Okay. But you have to be, so maybe try to make the most of it. Think of it as a freebie that you get to take from the government.

C: You’re a freebie?

G: I’m a freebie.

 I then go on to explain all the things I have explained to you. Why I’m young, why I am just a counselor, and, though it takes a few sessions, Carrie finally warms up to me. Maybe even considers me a friend, which is wrong and unhealthy, but very Carrie.

 The reason she likes me is because, (you ready for this backstory?) I too wanted to be in the CIA but couldn’t cut it because I too have a disorder that would count me out of the job. Only mine is an occasional stutter that I got from a severe car accident that punctured my lung and that only really stirs up in high anxiety situations. I even have a great line:

 G: So instead of saving the world I decided to save the people who were saving the world.

 RIGHT?? SO GOOD!! Is it too much? Stutter too much? Too unreal? Maybe, I just thought it would be a nice add on that would connect her to Carrie more, as well as be a device that comes at a heightened situation later in the show AND also give Genevieve a motive because you know secretly she wants to solve CIA shit too. When she starts counseling Brody, for instance, she starts to put the pieces together but can’t say anything due to patient/client privileges…

 OR something like that.

 I dunno, dudes, maybe she’s a legit therapist and maybe she doesn’t have a stutter, but I would love her to become a pawn in the tangled web of Carrie and Brody. I would love her knowledge to become a problem. I would love if she was killed off by Brody at the end of a few seasons. Yes, I am giving you permission to kill off my beloved character, Lost Charlie-style, or Breaking Bad Gus-style. But only after a few seasons and after she become kick ass.

I’ll put it like this, let me shoot a gun one scene and you can have Brody sexily kill me off in another.

 Just consider it. Holla.


Alison “Put Me In Coach” Tafel

– One L

“For Halloween, I want to be something sexy. Why spend $100 on something sexy when I can get the same affect with buying a kids costume for $15?”


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