It feels so good to feel smart again.
I only hope I don’t jinx it by writing about it, but reading through these last few blogs, (with posts I am dubbing my “blue period”) I realized I owed it to myself, my trusty reader (Mom) and potential success-givers to clarify that I am now on the upswing of confidence.
Getting fired a few months back really rattled me. And for a while it didn’t matter that I was able to, within a day, pick up the CBS job and then, within two days, interview for some other part time stuff and then, within a month, get a permanent personal assistant gig that allowed me to work my schedule around CBS, gave me an income I had never had before, and trusted me with higher thinking and more responsibility than my reception job ever did. It didn’t matter because I still was fired from a job in March.
And that really, really hurt my feelings.
It was like a breakup, a “it’s not you, it me” situation. And since I have been with my boyfriend the past seven years, it had been a while since I have truly been dumped so perhaps that is why I took losing this job so severely. It is only now that I can go back and reflect on my previous job experience with clarity and closure.
Because, you see, I got a new job. A better job. A terrific bursting at the seams with excitement job.
And now I am finally in a much happier, healthier job relationship.
And I wanted to write about that today.
I feel so dumb about how dumb I was feeling about my old job. So blind. Here I was blaming everything on me, when really in the end the two of us were just not right for each other. I did everything right. I never messed up. I never cheated or bent the rules. Likewise, neither did my job. It was nice to me. It was fair. In the end, I was simply let go. And yeah, there weren’t any official warnings, but do most break ups have warnings? Don’t they just sometimes happen? The truth is, even going back on these blog entries it was clear that the signs were all there. It’s so obvious that I wasn’t very happy while I was in it, and likewise the job didn’t seem very happy either. I was doubting myself, doubting my intelligence, and ultimately not liking who I was becoming in the job. And perhaps the job knew that. Yep the job definitely knew. How very wise, old job.
People kept reminding me too, you did not get fired, Alison. You were let go. There is a difference. Fire means you did something wrong, and you didn’t. I am now beginning to understand that. When you are in any relationship, it is easy to feel like you have no choice but to try too hard at it, stress too much about it, and be fearful if it leaves. You find yourself holding on to something that maybe needed to be let go way before it finally was.
I am finally at a place where I have nothing but gratitude for what my old job gave me. As with any ex, you learn and you grow from every memory and experience. You will not see me insulting the old job or having bitterness toward it. I wish it the best. I hope it finds what it is looking for. I know it will do great things and I hold it in highest regard. But I needed that time to get to that realization. I needed to wade through the sorrow and confusion. This was the first job I had ever lost. Every job before that one was one that I let go of not the other way around.
Truth be told, most other jobs I had I was a favorite, well liked and even on occasion beloved. Man, we you look back on it, I’ve done a lot of job dumping in my day. But to be fair a lot of the dumping was because I moved. And it is impossible to be in a long-distance job, everybody knows that.
It is better to have jobbed and lost than never to have jobbed at all.
The next few jobs I had were perfect rebound jobs. I returned to CBS as a Page. The job made me happy. It was familiar. It was fun. I knew it was nothing serious and I knew it was comfortable. But I didn’t do CBS exclusively. I jobbed around. I babysat a little, which was a nice change. Day played a few times. Was an extra on a Nickelodeon show. You know, testing the waters.
Then I got the personal assistant job, which was new, exciting, exotic. It was a job I never tried before. A spur of the moment adventure that I, still sore from my reception job break-up and unfulfilled (financially) from my happy CBS gig, really really needed. It was a cool company, an even cooler boss, and it gave me a lot more confidence in my ability to work hard and be happy. CBS and assisting made me whole again. Thank you rebound.
As I was coasting on these new relationships, almost out of nowhere and when I least expected it, I had a “cute meet” with the job of my dreams. I didn’t see it coming, but I had met my match.
Isn’t that always how it works out?
I had actually decided to focus more on acting instead of writing (which is where I hoped my reception job would lead me to), you know, really take a moment to focus on ME, when out of the blue I got a phone call from a woman I had met for coffee a few months back.
We were set up by a friend.
I didn’t think anything would come from coffee with this production coordinator as she wasn’t on a show at the time we met and she alluded to the fact that once she was on a show it was most likely staffed up. You know, classic rejection. The “I’m not ready for anything serious” talk.
But low and behold, right after I had spent the day getting brand spanking new headshots, ready to steer my life clear of any jobs that would hurt me, I got a call from this coordinator and she, on the spot, offers me a job.
And it’s the job I had been wanting the whole time I have lived in LA. My Prince Charming job.
I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to cry and shout and call my mother. The coordinator wanted me to start immediately, tomorrow even, and would I accept? I said yes, hung up the phone, and sobbed like a baby.
It was a whirlwind of a week. In 24 hours I had to sadly and gently leave my two lovely rebounds (“It’s not you, it’s me.” “I met someone.”), choke down the fact that with my mother out of the country I could not call her for a few weeks, and eat the money I just threw at photos of my face. (Guess what everyone’s getting for Christmas? Photos of Ali!)
And then on a Tuesday, I began the next step of my life.
To detail without detailing, it is a foot in the door job at a Fox sitcom. I am an Office PA. I make coffee, go on runs, distribute mail. I also get to listen to script reads and meet actors and writers and watch stuff get filmed. I’m now about a month in, and I can already tell I am loving the hell out of it.
The first week, I was nervous. Will this job like me? Will it leave me in the dust like before? Will I be happy? Did I dive into something too quick?
And I still have those feelings, I am unsure if the jitters ever go away in love and in jobs, but if there is anything that these last few weeks have showed me it is that I am in the job I need to be in right now.
I fit here. Here fits me. We are a lovely, lovely match.
This job is challenging, it’s fun, it pays. I am meeting so many people (a few idols, a few mentors, a few comrades.) I’ve been told this place is like a family, whereas my old reception job felt like an island. I feel trusted here. I feel smart. I am taking tons and tons of notes every day and learning so much. Most of all, I look forward to coming into work every day and being a part of a team that is making good comedic television. There is no place to go but up, though I am perfectly content being here for a while.
And all is right in the world.
So yeah, I was dumped. But if were to be really honest, it was because the old job was dumping me before I dumped it. If this new job had come along while I was still a receptionist, I would’ve left it in a heartbeat. Again, old job, so wise. You knew. I knew you knew.
And now I am on a new journey. It’s a foot in the door for sure, and maybe in the end I will have my heartbroken. Maybe I’ll screw up and ruin something perfect. But isn’t it worth it? Isn’t that the whole point of a job relationship? I think it is.
I’m in love… with my job.
Ex job? We finally have closure.
4 thoughts on “It Is Better To Have Jobbed and Lost Than Never To Have Jobbed At All (Or how my old job feels like my ex and how my new job feels like my soulmate)”
Great post! Congrats on the new job! 🙂
Life is like a box of chocolates……………..
Embrace uncertainty! Enjoy the ride. I love it!