The Gray Cloud

August has been the most ho-hummiest of wallow and sigh of this entire “well crap” year. I feel like I have this gray cloud raining directly over my head, like in those cartoons or prozac commercials that illustrate how that person is having a bad day. Only it’s not just me with this gray cloud, but it is everyone who is walking around with their own personal gray cloud over their head. Or perhaps it’s that we are all collectively under one giant gray cloud that is just raining on us for different reasons at different times. It’s not heavy enough to be like “this is the END OF DAYS” or anything, bur it is just enough of a sprinkle to feel a shift, a mood denotation, a ho-hum-ness to it all.

And I say ho-hum not in a “woe-is-me” sense, but rather in a trajectory sense. I imagine that printed in future US history books (or, more likely, history tablets), bottom of page 45 would show a timeline of 2014, and August would have a slew of unsettling pictures that teachers (or, probably, teacher robots) would describe as “a rough time for most Americans.”

And then years after that a cool fictitious bio-pic will be made ala Forest Gump with the main coming-of-age character directly or indirectly impacted by the tumultuous and melancholy backdrop of August 2014. And it will be cool to see then but today it just plain sucks.


Alas, this gray cloud has been overwhelming my brain space so I am going to write about it now.

I’ve been more sad than usual, more snarky than usual, more easily angered and more readily lethargic. I’m finding myself working extra FREAKING hard to stay positive by using cliché tricks of the trade, even though I can totally call bullshit on myself because it is near impossible to trick yourself when you are the one doing the tricking.

I pose a question, dear reader, am I alone in this? Do you feel this gray cloud too? Do you feel something?

Of course, I understand that asking this is the same as asking someone if their throat is sore. You do a little cough and suddenly you think “Well, now it is!” I don’t mean to do that, to project a bad day onto you. So if your answer is honestly, “No. I feel fine” then so be it. Good for you. Gold Star. Keep up the good work. But for the rest of us folks… can we please talk about it? Maybe through talking we can find the magic code that makes the gray cloud go away.  

And then maybe perhaps I would get on board with this Ice Bucket Challenge.

It’s like two degrees away from me, all of it. A person I admire from afar is battling cancer, a new acquaintance of mine recently lost a parent, a person from my past was rushed into emergency surgery, a city in my country is having horrible riots, and a beloved idol decided it was his time to go.

Sleeping has been tricky, hasn’t it? I’m absorbed in an anxiety that cannot be explained. I find myself wondering if my family knows I love them, if my extended family knows I want their acceptance, if my friends know I’m rooting for them, and if my co-workers know who I want to be. Most importantly, I want the world to have a little bit more laughter and love, and I’m feeling stuck on my path to deliver just that. 


 I don’t readily know the way to get rid of this cloud. I know misery loves company so I don’t really intend to wallow much longer. I also take part in my loved ones happiness so don’t want it to spread this gray cloud to them, particularly my boyfriend. He’s typically my rock, thus I need to be his. And, finally, I know we are all collectively going though this shitty growing pain together.

That’s it!

We’re all going through this together right? MAYBE if we all took a moment to acknowledge that, to say, “hey man you too? Me too! We too!” And we all symbolically join hands to create this unifying shield, then this gray cloud won’t have as much power as before. And instead of letting it get us down, maybe let it give this power back to us.

Racism is bad. It should stop.

Mental health is serious. It should be acknowledged.

Love is good. Share it.

Laughter is important. Tell a joke today.

So F YOU, gray cloud. You don’t own us.

You’re just a blip on our future history tablet timeline.

We’ll get through this, as long as we stick together.

Now let’s all go see a really good movie or something.

– One L.

“Comedy is acting out optimism.” – Robin Williams



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