Dear Person Who Doesn’t Like Me For Some Reason,
Hello! How are you? How are things? Good… Good…
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Ohmygod it KILLS me that you don’t like me for some reason. If you should know one thing about me, it’s that I absolutely want you to like me.
I like being liked, I don’t like not being liked.
And I want to do everything possible to undo or redo or do do whatever needs to happen to make it right and to make you like me again. UNLESS you never liked me to begin with, in which case it’s like, oh God really? I’m that bad? You really don’t like me to the point that the moment you met me you didn’t like me? Like you just got a vibe? God how can I change my vibe? Is there anything I can do? Anything? Anything at all?
I don’t mean to harp on it. It’s just become one of those non-sexual foucauldian-esque things where the more I try not to think about you not liking me, the more I’m thinking about you not liking me. And I know, I know plenty of people like me, (I THINK) but for some reason you not liking me is taking over my brainwaves. So maybe if I put it out in the universe that I want to fix that, it will not be the case anymore and all will be right in the world.
Or shit, maybe harping is the reason you don’t like me. Fuck me.
Maybe you’re someone I have to see often, or you’re someone whose social circle is the same as mine but who I only occasionally see on Facebook, but you may also be someone from years ago who I will never speak to again, or perhaps you’re even someone I just saw once in passing on one of your bad days, but either way it completely overwhelms me that there is someone in this world, you, who on the rare occasion may think of me and automatically go “Ug.” Like with that eye roll too. Like “UHHHHG.”
It gives me an ulcer.
Maybe you dislike me because I am way too into your eye-rolling, UG! bid-naz. Whoops. Sorry. I take it back. I take it all back.
I know there probably isn’t much I can do to change your mind, but boy oh boy if I had any super power in the world, it would definitely be the power to change your mind about this whole you-not-liking-me-thing.
I don’t know why it’s so important to me that you should like me. It’s not like I have any control in the matter. Or that my life or your life will significantly change in the opinion shift process. (Though it’s a possibility… RIGHT?)
It’s not like everybody likes everybody or that I am the only person in the world you have decided not to like. Heck I may not like you, but I’ll be totally honest, if you changed your mind about me and decided to like me, I probably would totally like you a shit ton back.
Because that’s how the world works, dude/dudette.
People like people who like them. If, at heart, we all liked each other, then the tiny differences we would face would be much easier to resolve and much faster to get over.
Unless you’re someone who doesn’t like to resolve things. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You do you. You do you.
I dunno. I get why I can be unlikable at times. I know my faults probably better than anyone in the world. I scrutinize over my faults, I always want to be better. Does that help at all? Knowing I want to be better?
Or how about knowing that I have a good heart? I do. I really do. I’m not in the game of being mean to someone for personal/professional gain. I don’t throw people under the bus to make me feel better about myself. Throwing people under the bus is not an accomplishment, I don’t like it. I’m not even very good at being passive aggressive. If you’ve ever interpreted anything I’ve said as passive aggressive, I assure you it wasn’t. Because, to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure I’m smart enough to pull off passive aggressive. I’m not that deep or coy. I pretty much wear my emotions on my sleeve and am incredibly juvenile in nature. So, if you think I’m passive aggressive ever, you’re giving me too much credit.
Not to say you’re an idiot for giving me passive-aggressive credit. I AM NOT INSULTING YOU I SWEAR. It would be what some would call counter-productive on this whole “please like me instead of disliking me” letter.
Look, I know I’m not perfect. I’m not nice all the time. I know I’ve been mean, but I’m never mean in the flat out “I’mma bitch, deal wit it” fashion. I’m probably mean if I’m defending myself or others, or I’m wanting to clear the air or resolve a conflict, or I’m mad at a particular situation not a particular person, of if I just cranky because I haven’t gotten enough sleep. DOES THAT HELP? DOES THAT HUMANIZE ME? CAN WE BE FRIENDS YET?
The thing is, I am not afraid of conflict. I’m just afraid of conflict permanence. And you personify that fear. So essentially, I’m afraid of you and your existence.
Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t exist. Jesus, foot in mouth much, Ali? Ahhh hah haha haha. I’M BREEZY.
Maybe I can just fall in the “annoying” category over the “dislike” category. Maybe my “annoying-ness” is “endearing.” Maybe if I put “air quote” over “everything” I’ll trick you into “liking me” “by” “the” “end” “of” “this” “letter.”
Or maybe, maybe I should just learn to deal with it, huh?
Maybe I should accept the way things are, let this thing go, and understand that in the grand scheme of things, everything and everyone in the situation will be fine.
The world is an imperfect place, and we are imperfect people, and the more that I try to control what people think of me the less control I actually have. Being cool usually means not caring if you’re cool. Same should go with being liked. If I’m confident in myself and acknowledge that there are tons of people around me who think I have value, and think I deserve love, then why does your opinion matter so much? Maybe I should know that I’m a good person, because, well, I am a good person. The fact that I care so much about this stupid thing is proof. And I am so lucky to have so many friends and family in this world who know that I am good, and who like me for it which THUS makes me want to be, like, more good.
And while I’m at it, you’re a good person too (whoever you are)! You’re loved and you have worth and even though you really really really don’t like me, I know that you have something that makes you pretty great, even though it probably has nothing to do with your relationship with me. And I hope you take that thing (or things) and use it to make the world a better place.
And if you do that, then really, who cares if you don’t like me?
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…
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I do.
Sigh.
Sincerely,
Me
In the Sun with Alison 