A Bucket List For The Vain Dreamer

A Bucket List For The Vain Dreamer (Me)

  1. Sing the hook to a rap some with a hip hop artist who is way cooler than me and had no business asking me to sing a hook but he/she asks me to because dorky is the new cool.
  2. Be a series of memes on a Buzzfeed post.
  3. Direct a sitcom episode that I also wrote. It would be sweet if it were a two –parter.
  4. Meet Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and ask if they ever want to go on a “wine walk” and see if they say yes on event description alone.
  5. Get into Club 33 at Disneyland but leave early because I prefer riding Pirates with the commoners. It would be a borderline political statement.
  6. Write a captivating supporting role in a film that will singlehandedly pull Rick Moranis out of retirement and get him Oscar Gold before he jumps back into obscurity.
  7. Do a sa-weet cover of “I Saw Red” with Tenacious D for some Sublime tribute album.
  8. Meet a Muppet. Any of them.
  9. Introduce my mom to Huey Lewis. Introduce my boyfriend to Benedict Cumberbatch. Introduce my dad to Famous Sports Person.
  10. Star in a really, really well done bio-pic (NOT Lifetime movie style, but Milk and Ray style) of Tonya Harding AS TONYA. I will learn to skate. I WILL LEARN TO SKATE.
  11. Legitimately cameo something random.
  12. Crash a Me First And The Gimme Gimmes concert and join them in a rendition of “Tomorrow.”
  13. Have an HBO special that’s a mix of stand up and a one woman show but isn’t as lame as this sentence sounds.
  14. Go back to Longmont and to ASU and teach a comedy class and have people actually show up.
  15. Host an awards show. A good one though.
  16. Tell THE epic Paris story that I have been practicing on The Tonight Show. (I WON’T TELL THE STORY HERE ON ACCOUNT OF ME SAVING IT FOR THE TONIGHT SHOW.)
  17. Write an autobiography with chapters titled: “Sucking My Fingers and Twirling My Hair” “Vida Marvin Says Not You Scrubs” and “They Don’t Know The Words. I Know The Words.”
  19. Get the rights to the video game Twisted Metal and write a movie script with my best friend John where I get to play Twister.
  20. Marry my boyfriend with Jimmy Fallon as the pastor, Adele, Bruno Mars, Jason Mraz, and Ed Sheeran as the musical entertainment, and Ewan McGregor and JLaw as guests.
  21. Create a Broadway Musical using the music from Less Than Jake’s Hello Rockview, No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom, and Weezer’s Blue Album.
  22. Miraculously be named a Dame despite not being British at all. (But it doesn’t matter because everyone will totally agree that I earned it.)
  23. Be part of a newer version of the rat pack or brat pack with my friends. Any sort of pack will do.
  24. Go for the EGOT. Maybe not get it but go for it anyway. I mean I would have an Emmy for writing and directing that episode, a Grammy for singing that hook, an Oscar for playing Tonya… maybe I should just hope Menken gives me the role.
  25. Give someone else their start and have that be an adorable story my mom can read in People Magazine.
  26. Create that Bingo Card website that I’m always talking about.
  27. Have a comeback.
  29. Meet Ben Affleck but in an incredibly endearing way not in a creepy “I’M OBSESSED WITH YOU” way that will surely happen if I met him, like, tomorrow. Pitch: Jimmy Kimmel introduces me to him live on his show and I give a very sincere speech about all that Ben means to me and cry and then we work together on a movie and it’s a super duper cute story.
  30. Stop world hunger.

– One L

“Life is but a dream” – that boat song


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s