Things To Do When It’s Really Really Hot Out

  1. Drink water.
  2. Pet your cat.
  3. Tell yourself that you should take a cold shower, but then pansy out and take one that just isn’t as hot as you usually take it.
  4. Close all your windows, doors, blinds, blast a fan and pretend you are Grey Gardens.
  5. Write your senator about how it should be impossible for civilians to own AR-15s or any military grade weapons.
  6. Have a popsicle.
  7. Binge watch Orange Is The New Black (if you’re cool) or Bloodline (if you’re cooler) or Battlestar Galactica (if you’re coolest).
  8. Wear sunscreen.
  9. Wear sunglasses.
  10. Shave your legs in case the hairs on them actually keep your legs insulated.
  11. Buy ice packs for your cat.
  12. Understand that, yes, even though “bad” people will always get their hands on guns no matter what the laws are, if we make it challenging for them to get guns instead of making it super duper easy for them to get guns, then the number of mass shootings in this country will go down.
  13. Play the board game Settlers of Catan.
  14. Play the card game Exploding Kittens.
  15. Sweat.
  16. Throw a few wet cloths in the freezer to put on your head later as a “cold stick.”
  17. Listen to Hamilton and pretend you are Burr but with less layers. 
  18. Cut your hair short.
  19. Do more than just pray for victims of mass shootings, and instead become active in ways for change. Be vocal, call the numbers, push.
  20. Write a song on your ukulele.
  21. Suck on an ice cube.
  22. Run through the sprinklers.
  23. Go to the local pool.
  24. Sleep naked.
  25. Avoid the sun.
  26. Avoid your stove.
  27. “Avoid the clap.” – Jimmy Dugan
  28. Call all your friends who are gay. Tell them you love them.
  29. Call all your friends who are immigrants. Tell them you love them.
  30. Call all your friends who live in Orlando. Tell them you love them.
  31. Curse the sun.
  32. Write a blog.


– One L

“We are out gunned…” – Lin-Manuel Miranda



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