50 Things That Can Potentially Happen To You After You Get Engaged

  1. You worry that, in that moment, your hair is a mess.
  2. You worry that, in that moment, your makeup is smeared.
  3. You worry that, in that moment, your outfit is stupid.
  4. You wonder if your person has been carrying that ring this whole time, even when we were on the ferry and at the Irish Coffee place and after we’ve walked, like, a gazillion miles.
  5. You feel bad about being snippy that morning over finding a drug store so you could get sunscreen.
  6. You feel this urge to cry, mostly because you feel a little blindsided and overwhelmed with this weird vomit feeling that only occurs in times of great stress or great joy and in this case it’s the joy option.
  7. You forget to listen to your person and then later hope you reacted in a way that made them feel like the most loved human in the universe because that’s how they should’ve felt in that moment.
  8. You get uncomfortable at how sincere your person is being, almost like you can’t take them seriously because quite frankly you don’t take serious adult things very well at all.
  9. You say yes.
  10. You wonder if you sort of knew it was coming, like maybe you had a sixth sense about it, but then at the same time you really didn’t see it coming so maybe you did and maybe you didn’t but who cares?
  11. You go, “holy shit this ring. Is this… is this mine?”
  12. You get unusually quiet.
  13. Then you ask your person a million follow-up questions all at once.
  14. Then you just start saying all your thoughts about a wedding because it feels like your brain will burst if you don’t relieve some of the word pressure sitting inside of it.
  15. You call friends and family, and again feel a little weird when others get emotional about it.
  16. You get emotional about it.
  17. You eat a lot of food and ask your person to repeat what they said to you when they proposed. You do this three to four times.
  18. You go home and get to tell your friends because no one knew beforehand because your person is awesome like that.
  19. You have to get used to calling your person “fiancé” now instead of boyfriend (or girlfriend or whatever you call them. This list is not specific to just me, obviously).
  20. You suddenly need some quiet time. Like shopping at Target with headphones in quiet time.
  21. You spend money on random shit for some reason because… engagement high?
  22. You decide that you will never correct yourself when you say boyfriend because saying, “Excuse me, did I say boyfriend? I MEAN FIANCÉ” sounds super duper douchey.
  23. You get hyper aware about your ring finger and the thing that is on it. You worry you’re going to lose it or really mess it up somehow because that’s how you do.
  24. Your brother’s wife has a baby.
  25. You realize how huge it is and how your brother’s life will never be the same because he’s a father now.
  26. You meet a baby through FaceTime and never knew you could meet a person and immediately love them.
  27. Your cats will get sick and almost die from eating something they shouldn’t but are saved by the vet hospital.
  28. You get a giant vet bill.
  29. You realize how much you love your dumb pets and are so grateful to have them in your life and will never take them for granted. Then you funnel that to being your thoughts on your person as well.
  30. You have trouble sleeping because, like, whoa, a lot just happened emotionally in about four days and you’re not sure where you landed.
  31. You start a Groundlings class. You learn to climb a rope at the gym.
  32. You think about your body and your food intake and sort of hate yourself for a moment because you like piling body shaming on when there’s a lot up in the air. It’s real fun.
  33. You go to three stores to find the perfect wedding planning journal.
  34. You find the journal.
  35. You feel accomplished because you have a journal now. It’s green.
  36. You don’t write in the journal or anything. That’s not the point of the journal.
  37. You take one of your dear lady friends out for her birthday and surprise her with more lady friends, thai food, and putt putt golf.
  38. You film a sketch with your bestest best friend in the whole world since childhood and another great friend from high school.
  39. You learn that your mom has a green journal too!
  40. You watch The Rock with your boyfriend.
  41. You see your first price tag for basic wedding things and completely freak out.
  42. You get your first request for setting a date and completely freak out.
  43. You feel greatly unsure of the next step, but make some excel spreadsheets anyway.
  44. You decide to ignore the stressful stuff and instead focus on the fun easy stuff, because that’s how you handle things.
  45. You have dinner with a family member who is in town and get worked up about wedding stuff again but then your family member calms you down and also reminds you that family is awesome and you feel so lucky to have such a great family and fun friends and awesome pets and cozy apartment and a dream career and a supremely superb perfect wonderful person you have been dating for 11 years who you really must call fiancé now even though it’s hard because we’re creatures of habit.
  46. You try to work on a script but you like can’t even.
  47. You play bar trivia with your boyfriend. Doh… I mean… nevermind.
  48. You touch his face and smile. You eat pizza and smile. You make jokes together and smile. You point him out to others in the restaurant and say you’re going to marry him and get a thumbs up from an old guy… and smile.
  49. You get excited for the plans you had made this summer pre-engagement, because guess what? They’re still happening!
  50. You wake up, and for a moment, it feels like your life with your person is back to normal.

And at the same time, it’s not.

— One L

“Oh, I called Chompie’s. You can get the Cookie Monster cupcakes by the dozen. So, that’s done.”  – text from my college roomie who knows my wedding priorities.


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