Bucket List For The Vain Dreamer – Part 2

A continuation of my incredibly vain, nearly impossible bucket list. Read the first entry here:


  1. Have a child just so I can ask RuPaul to be their Godmother. That’s it. That’s the only reason.
  2. Speak at a comic-con panel with fellow writer Mairghread Scott where we will talk about feminism, differing views on action movies, and dim sum.
  3. Get a fancy globe thing that holds whiskey and/or opens a secret staircase.
  4. Have my body be the standard ideal so I don’t have to work out anymore.
  5. Sing with Beyoncé, because we are pretty tight and it was her idea to invite me on stage.
  6. Be so important that Pandora just KNOWS that yes, I am still listening.
  7. Successfully recreate the photo of that chick on the right side of my blog that looks NOTHING like me.
  8. Win an award that’s on national TV so I can thank Ben Affleck for “personal reasons.”
  9. Write a hit song but tell no one until I need to seek revenge.
  10. Adapt East Of Eden into a screenplay that is a little closer to the original story and then play Cate and PULL IT OFF.
  11. Suddenly be really good at impressions.
  12. Completely understand how the game of football is played.
  13. Join Anthony Bourdain on his Parts Unknown series for a tour of Colorado. And Chicago.
  14. Win Trivial Pursuit just once.
  15. Write a blog post/email/script without one single typo.
  16. Star in a holiday movie that’s a huge hit and is watched by families year after year.
  17. Be the first name to show up on google when someone types Alison and even Allison for people who don’t know how to spell my first name correctly.
  18. Cry on cue.
  19. Hire movers when I move to a slightly bigger place. So, that’s like two.
  20. Write a book with John Green to help get him out of his rut.
  21. Get to be in a movie that is filmed in Europe and is full of British people.
  22. Just, like, know Chris Pratt. Like, “Oh hey Chris.” “Tafel! Get over here! Give me a hug.” “Oh, okay…”
  23. Inspire someone who has never voted to vote.
  24. Tell the story of Baby Doe Tabor on an episode of Drunk History.
  25. Be in a professional photo shoot that is not an ad for a park or from a kiosk in the mall.
  26. Just be able to wail on the guitar like a boss.
  27. Remember how to tap dance real good.
  28. Never get sick again.
  29. Have a nook somewhere.
  30. Meet the first woman president of the United States next year.

– One L

“Whenever I want you all I have to do is…” – Everly Bros



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